The SexWitch as Alice in Wonderland?

First, I wanna thank all of you for your kind comments, emails, texts, PMs, and DMs in response to my last blog post.  Every comforting word you sent me was salve to my healing heart, and I deeply appreciate it.

 

As you can imagine, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching.  One of the things I've realized is I've outgrown some of the people in my close circle of friends.  What I mean is their idea of friendship is not the same as mine.  I've always known that, and it never bothered me before.  But this year it does.

 

I've actually been thinking about this for a few months.  But when my world crashed two weeks ago, I found out really fast this is a change I need to make.  The kind of response from those people just confirmed what I'd suspected all along.

 

I'm not saying my idea of friendship is the only way or the right way.  I'm just saying it's what works best for me.  Basically, I like to be treated in the same loving way I treat others.  I think we're all like that.  The way we treat our friends is the way we like to be treated by our friends.  It makes sense.

 

As you know, for the last 4 years I've had serious issues with Alphas, especially Alpha men.  It should come as no surprise my sweet Beta friends and fans were the ones who came through for me last week.  Their words of comfort and kindness helped me heal.  Only three close Alpha friends offered me that.  My other Alpha men and women friends were too mad or too busy to say much in the way of support.

 

Interesting, huh?

 

The older I get the more I realize how important it is that my close friends are my own kind: sweet, affectionate Betas like me.  No more Alpha Drama Queens.  No more friends that bitch about everything.  There was a time when that didn't bother me.  I'm so easy-going whatever rocked their boat was cool with me.  I just ignored it.  But I can't seem to do that anymore.  ~lol~

 

Here's what I mean.  If you're one of my close friends you know how I am.  I don't say, "I'm here if you need me," and leave it at that.  Hey, we're all busy, but true friendship takes more than that, I think.  I check up on my friends if I haven't heard from them lately.  I tell them how much I love and value them every few weeks.  If you're on Twitter or Pagan-Place I read your tweets/updates every day.  If you blog, I read your blog posts when they go live.  If I see you're having a problem I don't make you come to me and ask for help.  I'm there asking you how can I help? 

 

To me that's true friendship.  It's the way I treat my friends, and it's the way I like to be treated as well.

 

I'll tell you a secret.  When my world crashed two weeks ago there was only one close friend I knew I could turn to who would hold my hand and walk with me while I struggled to cope.  She did, and I love her for it. 

 

Yeah, you guessed it.  She's a Beta like me.  And she gave me exactly what I needed.  I knew she wouldn't have an Alpha hissy fit and disappear for a few days while she dealt with her anger and left me struggling alone.  I knew she wouldn't yell at me.  I knew she wouldn't say, "I told you so" and beat the shit outta me with angry words (not that my Alpha friends are ever angry with me, but angry words are the common knee-jerk response from an Alpha when there's trouble). 

 

I can tell you right now that was the last thing I needed.  There were too many confusing pieces to this puzzle, and I had to work through them.

 

I knew my Beta friend would look at this situation calmly and lovingly and give me the kind of support I needed.  And she did.  There were lots of emails going back and forth between us every night as I worked through this, and she stood with me.  Because of that I was able to come to terms with my sorrow and heal enough to blog about it last Friday and let all of you know about Michael's request.

 

That's why I'm thanking those of you who read my blog post and offered your kind words and support ASAP.  You have no idea how much that meant to me.  A broken heart is no fun.  But because of you, the SexWitch healed pretty fast after that.  I want you to know how grateful I am and how much I love and treasure you for it!  

 

Now if you're one of my Alpha friends you might have smoke curling out of your ears after reading this.  ~grin~  But don't kid yourself.  This Beta friend wasn't there for me cause she had a lot of free time.  The truth is she works fulltime at a physically demanding job.  When she isn't working she cares for her elderly father.  Yet she made time after work to be there for me when I needed her.

 

Think about it.  Look at your close circle of friends.  Do they nourish you in the way you need when you need them?  Do their personalities jive or clash with yours?  Is the stress of that clash worth it?  Do they come to you with every need they have, but can't seem to be there when you need them? 

 

Don't wait til you're 55 like me to ask yourself these questions.  I've been waaaaaaay too slack on this issue, and I take full responsibility for it.  Have you been slack as well?  If so, you might need to do some friend eliminating like me.

 

Okay, what's next for the SexWitch? 

 

Well, I've been looking at my options and plotting my future, since it's going to be very different than I thought.  One of the first things Michael said to me was he didn't want me to stop living now that he's walking a different path, a path he has chosen to walk alone.

 

And that's exactly what I've been doing: living.  And figuring out how I wanna do that.

 

The first thing on my list was to unpack.  I've been packed up for months.  Now that I know moving with Michael isn't gonna happen I spent two days unpacking and organizing my file room.  Living out of boxes has been an unusual experience, and I'm happy to put an end to it.  ~lol~

 

Next I intend to give my house a good cleaning.  My back is recovered, and my house is a wreck since I haven't been able to bend for 5 months. 

 

HORRORS!

 

After that, I've decided to spend the next 2-3 months finishing up the new vampire novel so it can be published the end of this year. 

 

Woot!!

 

Also, a few hours after Michael told me his decision, I emailed Nyx at our social site, Pagan-Place.  I told her I needed a vacation this summer to heal up from the burnout I've been struggling with for the last year.  Like I've mentioned in other blog posts, I thought I'd escaped any ill effects from working 18 months without a day off in 2010-2011 to fix the exagent mess, but evidently not.  Months of back pain and two nasty ocular migraines are red flags, and I'm paying attention.  O.O

 

I told Nyx I wanted to step down from my Admin duties at PP cause I need to lighten my workload during the summer months so I can heal. 

 

But don't worry.  I'm not leaving PP.  I'm still there every day and night.  I'm just taking a vacation from being the Admin.  So she made me a part-time mod (Counselor) at PP, and I love it.  I finally have the time to do things at PP I've always wanted to do but never had the time, and I'm having a blast again.

 

I've also been going to the movies and out to dinner with friends in the last week.  More things I haven't had the time to do for the last 3 years.  

 

Wow, Michael was right.  This "living" thing is FUN!  ~grin~

 

These days I truly feel like "Alice in Wonderland."  Sixteen months ago I fell through a dark rabbit hole.  Two lost lovers later I finally found my way out into the Light. 

 

Yay!

 

Two things amaze me about this.  First, I can't believe I experienced that loooooooong dark odyssey.  Second, I'm amazed I survived it.  Whew!

 

But the important thing is I'm dancing in the sunshine now.  Yeah, the SexWitch is BACK.

 

Weeeeeeeeeee! 

 

~twirling on my Fey wings~

 

Much love to you !!! 

 

Laura Stamps (c)
Romantic Pagan Erotica Novelist

(HOT vampires, shapeshifters, witches, Fey)
Email: laurastamps18@yahoo.com
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