Damn, You’re HARD! Okay, I’m Wet…

If you were on Facebook or Twitter last Sunday you saw my tweets and status updates about Wes trying to weasel out of our sex date.

No, I’m not kidding.

My response? Forget it, dude. NOT happenin’!

Hey, it’s not my fault he played in a golf tournament all weekend and was pooped. He tried to use that “old man” excuse on me, too. But I just ignored him as usual, and told him to take a Viagra. We’ve discovered if he takes a whole Viagra an hour before we fuck he stays reallllllly hard the entire time. So I told him to take a nap for an hour while his dick gets nice and hard. Then he can fuck me. ;)

See? I can be considerate of others. *naughty grin*

Sure enough when he stepped out of the shower an hour later his dick was so hard I had to laugh.

“Look!” I squeal, pointing at his steely cock as he walks across the bedroom toward me. “Your dick is so hard it’s waving like a flagpole.” I start wiggling my hips from side to side. “Do this and make it jump even more.”

Wes rolls his eyes and gives me one of those looks like I’m his cross to bear. Then he grins and wiggles his hips, making his tool bounce up and down like its on speed or something.

Cracks me up! But before I can finish laughing he grabs me.

“I’d say my dick is happy to see you, darlin’,” he purrs, stripping off the black silk cami I’m wearing. “I’d say it wants some pussy action.”

“Not tired anymore, big boy?” I tease, batting my eyelashes at him.

“What do you think?” Then he lowers his head to suck my nipples, and all my brain cells head South as fast as their little bunny slippers will take them.

Yesssssssssssss!

The KY Liquibead I inserted earlier is already melting. That means I'm ready to rock n’ roll. I reach down and stroke his cock. “Damn, you’re hard!”

Let me stop right here and mention for the zillionth time how much I love Viagra. I swear, that stuff makes him hard as a tree branch from the get-go. It was made for fucking sluts like me. No doubt about it.

“Are you ready to fuck?” I ask, looking up at him.

“Oh, yeah,” he replies, stroking his steely tool.

“Me, too!” So I jump on the bed and spread. “Mount me, baby.”

Wes just stands there and rolls his eyes. “What about the condom?”

Oops!

“You’ve done that a couple of times this month, darlin’,” he observes, as I leap off the bed, grab a condom, and rip open the package.

“Hey, at least you never have to worry about my level of enthusiasm, right?” I reply, rolling it onto his shaft. Okay, now we’re ready.

Next thing I know he tosses me on the bed and slides into me with one hard thrust.

GAWD I love that!

The Viagra made him so hard he gives me three screaming Os one right after another. When he takes a break and I catch my breath, I say, “I have tears streaming out of my eyes.”

“I’m sorry,” he replies, looking worried. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No,” I respond. “But I had so many intense Os so close together it made my eyes water. That’s a first.”

Wes just gives me one of those smug Alpha smiles.

“Hey, want me to ride you?” I push him down on his back and climb on.

We’ve been trying every variation I can think of the last few weeks to find the perfect cowgirl position for us. “Damn, you’re hard,” I muse when I impale myself on his shaft.

This time we try some new angles. I loved the gymnastic one I did last Sunday, but it wasn’t perfect for both of us, so I wanted to try some new ones this week. I shift my pelvis. I move my thighs down. I move my legs up. I try everything new I want to test. Okay, I have a mental list.

Finally, we do one I’ve seen in some of my sex books. I move my legs and feet up. Wes raises his arms over his head and clasps my hands, weaving his fingers with mine so I can push against him. I set a pumping rhythm. And he slams up into me as I go down.

WHOA!

That felt good. In fact it was such deep penetration I swear I could feel his dick touch my cervix. Only one problem with me. I’m a multi-O girl and go off like a firecracker. When that happens I lose my rhythm cause I’m grooving on how good it feels. That position kept giving me awesome Os, so I kept losing my rhythm.

Eventually, we got it right. But just as Wes is about to finish, he flips me over and slams into me again.

Alrightyyyy!

I scream another O, and he groans his release. You should have seen the smile on his face. It was priceless.

I can’t tell you how many Os I had cause I lost count with all the positions we tried. However when I hopped up to pee I did notice in the bathroom mirror that my nipples had turned dark brown. They do that when I’ve had a bunch of intense Os. Just for fun I watched them slowly go back to rose pink while I drink a bottle of spring water.

Yeah, it was a fab sex date for sure.

After dinner Wes complained about his back hurting, and how I beat him up during our date. Once again, it's not my fault he’s married to a frisky slut who has the energy level and flexibility of an 18-year old, ya know?

You should’ve seen him hobbling up the stairs to bed later that night. Oh, well. I’ll give him a day or two to rest before I jump him again.

See? I can be considerate of others. lmao!

xoxo
Laura Stamps ©
Paranormal Erotica Novelist
(HOT vampires, shapeshifters, witches)
laurastamps@mindspring.com
To see all my novel series:
http://www.avampskiss.blogspot.com/
(All Kindle & pdf ebooks are $1.99)
My verrrrry naughty blog:
http://www.erotica-laurastamps.blogspot.com/
My “Laura Stamps” Fan Page at Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/sexwitch
Follow me on Twitter at:
http://twitter.com/sexwitch

Spaghetti, Lasagna & Make-up Sex. No, I’m Not Kidding!

First, I wanna thank everyone who sent emails, PMs, and DMs, and posted on Facebook, Twitter, and this site, telling me how much you love the new home for my blog.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You ROCK, and your positive comments made my day. Yes, they did!

If you’re on my mailing list, you know I announced the new site for my naughty blog last Sunday. On Monday, Wes left for three days of meetings in Georgia. He didn't get back to Columbia until Wednesday night.

In the meantime, I worked like a crazy woman, editing the last part of the vamp novel and cleaning the house. With Wes gone I could finally vacuum and dust upstairs at 3:00am without waking up a sleeping Uber-Alpha. All I can say is: Damn, my house looks good now! ;)

For dinner on Wednesday night I planned something special for Wes. I made him a big plate of lasagna and spaghetti with veggies on the side. It was a thing of beauty. Really, it was.

But when we sat down to eat, he looked at his dinner and frowned. Then he said, “I hope this doesn’t kill me.”

Huh?

You would’ve been proud of me. I ignored his clueless comment the first time. I mean, the man is a grumpy Uber-Alpha.

But he said it three more times, like I was trying to poison him or something. And this wasn’t another example of his totally-not-funny sense of humor. He was just bitching.

Okay, now I’m PISSED. So I attacked, cause as we all know that sweet chick he married three decades ago doesn’t live here anymore.

I tied into him about his lack of appreciation for me (a common theme in our marriage this year). He got defensive, and let’s just say it didn’t go well. I went to bed the next morning still pissed as hell and ready to wash my hands of the man.

I usually leave Wes a note in the kitchen before I crash at 4:00am, telling him how my night went and wishing him a happy day since he leaves way before I get up.

Well, fuck that shit! No notes from me EVER again, as far as I’m concerned.

The next morning, I find a note from him in the kitchen. Okay, that’s unusual. Even more unusual he’s apologizing for being a bonehead the night before. He told me the dinner was fab, and he even said the house looked nice.

Okay, he’s off my shit list. For the moment. So I sent him a text, telling him that.

He responded with a text that said: “In the words of Steve Perry…Don’t stop believing!!!”

Yeah, right. *rolls my eyes*

When he came home that evening he dropped off my mail and acted extra sweet to me. But he still rushed out of my office like he usually does. For some reason he freaks over the 30 minutes of computer stuff he has to do every night for his job, and he’s cranky as hell until he finishes it cause he hates computers. Is the man an impatient Leo, or what? lol

Thirty minutes later he comes back into my office to tell me he’s on his way downstairs to watch sports on TV. I’m slammed with email from readers and fans and running late, so I tell him I’ll be down in a minute to make dinner.

“That really was a great dinner you made for me last night,” he says, wrapping his arms around me.

“I know it was,” I reply. “But if that’s what you thought, why didn’t you say it?” I narrow my eyes at him. “I’m not a mind-reader. If you don’t say something I have no idea you’re actually thinking it. All you did last night was complain about dinner, and say over and over again you hoped it didn’t kill you.”

Okay, I’m not letting him forget this MAJOR boo-boo anytime soon.

“Mmm,” Wes hums, ignoring me. Instead he rubs his hands over my nipples as they poke through the silk cami I’m wearing. “I do love your nipples.” Then he strips off my cami.

Alrightyyyy! Hey, if he’s gonna try to distract me, he better make it worth my while, ya know? Worshipping my nipples is definitely a step in the right direction. *slutty grin*

Next thing I know he strips off all his clothes, and a naked Wes is standing in the middle of my office. Alrightyyyy! I gotta say I like the direction he’s taking this “conversation.”

Wes sits down on my computer chair, I climb into his lap, and pretty soon he’s laughing at the happy sounds I’m making as he takes me from one awesome breast O to the next. Not to mention I’m rubbing my wet pussy all over his groin like a cat in heat.

After I’ve been fully compensated for the big boo-boo he made last night over dinner I’m feeling kinda generous. “Want me to lick you?” I ask, as I reach down and stroke his limp cock.

“I dunno,” he replies, watching my fingers massage his tool. “I was harder when I came in here than I am now.”

“Not a problem.” I slip to the floor and scoot between his legs, taking his silky cock into my mouth. Next thing I know he’s moaning with pleasure. Turns out I discovered a new hot spot on his dick, and I’m working it like crazy with my tongue.

“Damn, you give the best blow jobs,” he groans. He gets so excited he stands up. “Suck me, baby. Suck me…”

Hey, you don’t have to ask this slut twice. I do my thing, and when he climaxes he falls against the wall.

“Whew!” he sighs, keeping his hand on the wall to steady himself. “That was so intense I almost lost consciousness.”

“I found a new hot spot on your dick,” I explain, grinning wickedly. “Yummy.”

Next thing I know he grabs me and lays a soul-melting kiss on me. Then his talented lips move down my throat to my needy nipples, where he gives me more breast Os.

Alrightyyyy!

“We should do this more often,” I say, when my brain cells recover. “We used to do this a lot, and I miss it.”

“I know, darlin’,” he agrees, reaching down to retrieve his boxers. “But that was before I got old-man dick.”

“Bullshit,” I reply. “Your dick seems just fine to me.” I lick my lips and wink at him.

Yeah, we got along great the rest of the night, and Wes made sure he complimented me on dinner this time.

Smart man.

I have no idea how long his Laura Appreciation phase is gonna last. Fortunately, this slut can be bought with hot sex and sweet words. So I intend to ride this new phase…and his delicious dick…for as long as it lasts.

You would expect no less of me, right? *sex-obsessed grin*

xoxo
Laura Stamps (c)
Paranormal Erotica Novelist
(HOT vampires, shapeshifters, witches)
laurastamps@mindspring.com
To see all my novel series:
http://www.avampskiss.blogspot.com
(All Kindle & pdf ebooks are $1.99)
My verrrrry naughty blog:
http://www.erotica-laurastamps.blogspot.com
My “Laura Stamps” Fan Page at Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/sexwitch
Follow me on Twitter at:
http://twitter.com/sexwitch

This is the New Site for My Naughty Blog. Oh, How I Love It!!

That’s right. My blog has moved. Squeeeeeee! And I absolutely love this new site. Yes, I do! *happy dance, happy dance*

Here’s what happened. I started this naughty author blog in June 2008 at LiveJournal. And that’s where it remained until November 2009 when my ex-agent moved it to the new site he built for me (LauraStamps.com).

However, as you know, he and I parted ways in March 2010. We had lots of problems, but the main problem was a lack of communication. He never really understood what I needed as an erotica novelist. Instead the site he built for me is a beautiful site for an entertainer, which is what he thought I should be. He had plans for me to do all kinds of things like a weekly internet show, reviews of sex toys, yadda yadda. The thing is I’m not an entertainer. I’m an erotica novelist, and none of the stuff he wanted me to do involved writing my books. Thus, his site never met my needs as an author.

Alex and I have talked about this, and when we finish getting all the new ebooks published and in the Kindle Store and in pdf on my books site (http://www.avampskiss.blogspot.com/) we’re gonna dive into a major redesign of LauraStamps.com. That will happen next year.

In the meantime, I decided to move my blog now. That way there won’t be any interruption in my blog posts when Alex and I get down to the nitty-gritty of fixing LauraStamps.com. Not to mention I just got back to blogging about my sex life last week, and I don’t wanna be thrown off my regular blog-and-novel-writing schedule again. It’s making me crazy! So I built this gorgeous, totally fun site just for my blog.

Yay!

Okay, let me give you a “tour” and tell why I adore it.

First of all, I love this website template. Yes, I do! The layout is clean and simple, and the font is clear and easy to read. Hey, I’m a simple slut, ya know? To be honest, I was never completely happy with the light grainy texture of the font on LauraStamps.com. Sometimes it was hard for me to read. And if that happened to me I figured it had to be a problem for some of you, too. Alex, my ex-agent, and I discussed it, but there was nothing that could be done about that hard-to-read font.

Second, my book covers (both ebook and paperback) run across the top of the site in a slideshow thingy. Squeeeeeee! I’ve ALWAYS wanted something like that. I think it’s just soooo cool! ;)

The sidebar rocks as well. There you’ll find info about “My Books Website,” which is a live link to that site. “My Books in the Kindle Store” is also a live link. “My Mailing List” tells you how and why it’s important to get on my email list to keep up with this fast-moving slut (lol). Next there’s a box that helps you share this blog on Facebook or Twitter. And a live link to the LauraStamps.com site so you can read the “Older Posts from this Blog.”

Then we come to another one of my fav features. All the covers of my books in the Kindle Store are in the sidebar as well. Not only did I add a short line of description under each one, but I also made the covers live links to those books in the Kindle Store.

How cool is that?!

Beneath the book covers is my Twitter feed, so you can see some of the naughty things this SexWitch says every day on my fav social media site (okay, I’m a TOTAL Twitter addict). Then there’s a box where you can “Subscribe to Erotica by Laura Stamps” (the name of this new blog site), and you’re given six options to do that (Atom, Google, Yahoo, etc.).

Is this a fab site or what?!!

I’m even thinking I may illustrate every blog post with one of the beautiful book covers Alex (Kittyfeather Press) and Dave (Trytium Publishing) designed for me.

I dunno. We’ll see.

In the meantime, enjoy this new home for my naughty blog. In fact, do me a favor and leave a comment, telling me what you think about it. My inquiring mind wants to know. Hey, whatever makes my readers happy makes this slutty novelist happy, too. No doubt about it! *naughty wink*

xoxo
Laura Stamps
Paranormal Erotica Novelist
& Bestselling Kindle Author
(HOT vampires, shapeshifters, witches)
laurastamps@mindspring.com
To see all my novel series:
http://www.avampskiss.blogspot.com/
(All Kindle & pdf ebooks are $1.99)
My verrrrry naughty blog:
http://www.erotica-laurastamps.blogspot.com/
My “Laura Stamps” Fan Page at Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/sexwitch
Follow me on Twitter at:
http://twitter.com/sexwitch

Latex Condoms & Ride ‘Em Cowgirl!

A few weeks ago it suddenly occurred to me that I might not be allergic to latex condoms after all. I realized the one time I tried them and they gave me a bad pussy burn I wasn’t using the fab lube I use now (KY Liquibeads). So this might not be a latex issue. It might just be a lube issue. Too cool!

I was totally jazzed about this cause I’ve never been crazy about the poly condoms Wes and I use (Trojan Supra). The polyurethane material pinches my pussy, and it burns Wes’s dick. Not fun.

Since Wes always complains about a lack of sensitivity with the poly condoms (even though they’re reallllllly thin) I bought the thinnest latex condoms I could find…Trojan Ultra-Thin. Much to my delight they were as thin and transparent as the Supras.

Alrightyyyy!

Guess what? We gave them a test drive on one of our sex dates a few weeks ago, and I was right! I don’t have an allergy to latex condoms. *happy dance, happy dance* In fact they felt much better than the poly condoms and work just fine with the KY Liquibeads. No pussy-pinching for me. No cock-burn for Wes.

Yay!

I was so thrilled I tweeted about it the rest of the night on Twitter and Facebook. You know I did. *kinky grin*

Since I haven’t been able to blog much about my sex life the last few months you might not know Wes and I have been taking my fav sex books to bed with us. Let’s just say I’ve been in the mood to experiment and try a bunch of new sex positions. In fact we’re doing so much of this on our sex dates you could almost shoot a porn video of us. Seriously. Wes gives me a few fab Os in positions he knows ring my bell. Then we hit the books and go from one sex position to the next, asking,” How does that feel?” If it doesn’t feel good to both of us we move on to the next position.

Those of you who’ve been reading this blog for a few years know my fav BJ book is Tickle His Pickle: Your Hands-on Guide to Penis Pleasing by Dr. Sadie Allison. Well, she’s got another fab book called Ride ‘Em Cowgirl: Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking.

GAWD, dontcha love her titles? The woman just cracks me up!

So this is the book I tossed on the bed before our sex date on Sunday. OMG, I looked so cute when I walked into the bedroom, too. I had on a fav pair of zebra-striped panties trimmed with red & black lace with satin ribbons. I do adore my animal-print lingerie. *slutty grin*

Of course, Wes made quick work of stripping them off of me. Yumm!

“I love your nipples,” he murmurs, sucking and pinching them into tight beads. Then he gives me so many breast Os my bottom lip goes numb and starts to tingle.

“You do?” Okay, he’s never said that before. Not in the 32 years I’ve been fucking the man.

“Sure,” he replies, driving me crazy with his fingers. “I’ve always loved your nipples.”

“You mean you’re a breast man, and you love all nipples.” Hey, I need some qualifying here.

“No,” he corrects, licking my nipples thoroughly. “I love your tiny little nipples.”

Okay, score major points for the Uber Alpha! Then he grabs my face and kisses me passionately. YOWZA! He never does that.

So what’s a slut to do? I jump him, cause I always hold back with him. Wes prefers sweet kisses rather than the rabid-animal-eating-at-your-face kinda kisses I love. After a few minutes he pulls me off of him. His eyes are almost black with lust, and he’s stroking his dick.

“We need to get that condom on me now,” he growls. He knew I wanted to play for a long time, so he not only took a Viagra but also three herbal cock boosters (Steel-Libido) an hour before our date.

Hey, you don’t have to tell me twice. I pluck a condom from the pile I brought with me, roll it over his steely tool, jump on the bed, and spread. “Fuck me, baby,” I purr, flashing my thoroughly lubed pussy at him.

Wow, he’s on me in a flash and so excited he enters me with one long thrust. Whoosh! Then we’re off to the races.

After I have three screaming Os, I ask, “Hey, wanna try something new?”

“I dunno,” he replies, rolling away from me, stroking his dick to keep it hard while I grab the book.

Lately, we’ve been trying multiple variations on the classic cowgirl position. Shoving two pillows up against the headboard, I say, “Sit up here with your back against the wall and let’s try the Ultimate Takedown position.”

Wes sits against the pillows and the headboard. I crawl on top of him and impale myself on his dick, bringing my knees up, while keeping my feet flat on the bed beside his chest. I lean over him and grab the headboard, pumping slowly.

“How does that feel?” he asks.

“Meh,” I reply. “Better if you push up into me like….squeeeee!…THAT!” Okay, that felt good. But I can’t keep it up. Even though I jog two miles a day now my thighs don’t last long in this cramped position.

“You need to work out more,” Wes teases, sitting on his ass, winking at me while I do all the work.

“Yeah, right,” I snort, moving my legs down. “You wish you worked out as much as I do every day.”

Wes laughs. “No, I don’t. What’s next, darlin’?”

Then we try the Three Legged Fox, but his knee starts to hurt. So I go through the book trying all the positions I bunny-eared for this sex date. Some felt fab, but we’re searching for another 5-star position to add to our regular sex life, and none of them worked that well for us. Plus, Wes has a bad back and knee, which means some positions we can’t do, and others we have to be careful with.

Finally, I say, “I wanna try one more. How about this?” I make him sit up again in the Ultimate Takedown position. Then I impale myself on his hard tool and lean all the way back, bracing my hands behind me between his knees. Bowing my back like a pretzel, I place my feet under his arms. “This is called The Rock.”

I start pumping, like I’m doing reverse push-ups, which is surprisingly easy in this gymnastic position. Who knew?

“How does it feel?” he asks, looking doubtful.

“Okay,” I reply. “Probably better if you push up with your hips and meet my thrusts like….squeeeee…..THAT!!!”

OMG! I think I just saw stars. Damn, that felt good. In fact I had a G-spot O so fast I lost my rhythm. Yeah, this is the one we’re gonna thoroughly test on our next sex date. No doubt about it. It has all the markings of a 5-star position.

After I have a few more Os, Wes finishes and we collapse on the bed. I’m purring, totally satiated for the moment, and he’s breathing hard. But he smiling, so I can tell he had a good time, and he’s pleased he survived another one of my gymnastic sex dates.

“I can’t believe my birthday is Sunday,” he muses after a while, running his hand through his long blonde hair, which is damp with perspiration.

“Hard to believe you’re gonna be 58,” I tease. “That’s two years away from 60!”

He sighs. “60 is gonna be freaky for sure.”

“At least you’ll still have a hard dick,” I purr. “But old-man dick sure is expensive with testosterone shots and Viagra and Steel-Libido and…....squeeeee!”

Suddenly, Wes flips me over, and his lips latch onto my nipples again. “I’ll show you who’s an old man,” he threatens, thoroughly worshiping my insatiable breasts.

What can I say? I just love it when a plan comes together… *sneaky grin*

xoxo
Laura Stamps ©
The Magickal SexWitch
Author of Paranormal Erotica & Romance Novels
(HOT Vampires, Shapeshifters, Witches)
laurastamps@mindspring.com
To see all my novel series:
http://www.avampskiss.blogspot.com/
My verrrrry naughty blog:
http://www.erotica-laurastamps.blogspot.com/
My “Laura Stamps” Fan Page at Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/sexwitch
Follow me on Twitter at:
http://twitter.com/sexwitch

A Shocking Development in My Sex Life with Wes

You’ll be happy to know now that my life is getting back to normal I can start blogging about my sex life again. Yay! Hey, you’ve all been more than patient with me as I’ve spent the last four months fixing a helluva mess my ex-agent made out of my career, and I really appreciate it.

But now that everything is rolling along in a positive direction again, not only can I get back to my regular novel-writing schedule but I can also resume blogging about my fav subject. SEX!

However I realized I couldn’t start blogging about my sex life with Wes without first telling you how and why it’s changed. And it has. In a rather shocking way, actually. So that’s what this post is about.

It seems everything I went through this year changed me. Really, it did. I’m no longer the easy-going slut I used to be. All the career and personal shit I endured this year from the Alpha men in my life changed my personality.

For one thing, I have a temper. I never had a temper before. But now I do, and it erupts suddenly. Yeah, I’m still getting used to that. “Weird” doesn’t begin to describe how it feels. And that has affected the way I talk. OMG, my mouth is ten times trashier now! Especially when this new temper of mine flares up. Damn, it’s vicious. Because of that and the fact I get pissed off so easily and I go claws out at a moment’s notice, my relationship and my sex life have changed.

Basically, I’m scaring the shit outta Wes, and it’s making him behave amazingly well. Who knew? That means the man is no longer in the doghouse like he was the first 5 months of this year. He’s too afraid to fuck up. He knows I could attack at any moment. And I gotta say the look on his face is priceless when I do.

Okay, I’m loving that part. Lol

As you can imagine, this has affected our sex life as well. He was always a great fuck. But now he’s more careful of me emotionally than he ever was. He goes out of his way to be nice to me. Consequently, my sex life is awesome. Wes and I are fucking like bunnies on crack and having a blast. I guess you could say he treats me with kid gloves now cause he thinks I’ve gone a little psycho. And I have. For a while I thought this personality change of mine was temporary. But much to his dismay (and horror) it seems to be permanent.

It’s just that I’ve been pushed too far this year. I was a really nice person. But for some reason the Alpha men in my life didn’t appreciate that. They thought they could run all over me. Not! So they pushed and pushed and pushed until I finally went off the deep end. It changed me, and to tell you the truth I’m still getting used to it myself.

To do a better job of explaining this, I was asked by Book Faery last month to write a guest post for her August blogging event about Alpha heroes in novels. I told her mine would be an anti-Alpha post (because I detest the fuckers these days), and she said she was cool with that. Her event runs through this entire month, and you can read more about it here:
http://book-faery.blogspot.com/2010/07/introducing-battle-of-sexies.html

But don’t worry. I’m still a sweet Beta. However, if you’re an Alpha man, beware. All bets are off where you’re concerned. And that sweet chick you used to know? Hey, she doesn’t live here anymore….

*******


Alpha Men? Don't Get Me Started!

by Laura Stamps

I have no idea if every guest post in this blog event is gonna be glorifying Alpha heroes in novels. If so, just consider this your anti-Alpha post (lol). Seriously, I told Tori when she invited me that I despise Alpha men these days. No way I can write anything flattering about them. But she said that was cool, so here I am. ;)

Okay, if you've read any of my novels you know NONE of my yummy hunky heroes are Alphas. Why? Because there are too many freakin' arrogant clueless Alpha men in my real life, that's why.

Or there used to be.

If you read my blog or know me from Twitter, Facebook, or Goodreads, you know there are lots of things about Alpha men that piss me off these days. But the thing that irritates me the most is that they’re such arrogant bastards.

Let me back up for a minute. I learned at a very early age the only person who can make me happy is ME. To do this I had to become “proactive” rather than “reactive.”

“Proactive” means I do my own thing regardless of the insanity happening around me, regardless of what anyone thinks. My happiness comes from within, and I know it cannot be shaken unless I allow it.

“Reactive” means your happiness is dependent upon external things, on what’s happening around you. It’s a “victim” mentality. Being a victim is NOT my thing. Been there, done that as a defenseless kid from an abusive family. Ain’t going back!

When you're proactive, you’re moving forward. It’s an “offensive” position. When you’re reactive, you’re retreating. It’s a “defensive” position, meaning you allow yourself to be backed into a corner where you’re constantly having to defend yourself. Or prove yourself. Over and over and over again.

What a snooze!

Arrogant Alpha men have a talent for putting women in a defensive position simply because they always think they’re right, which means everyone else is wrong. If you disagree with an Alpha man you’re ALWAYS having to defend your opinion. Of course, after a while you realize it doesn’t matter because the Alpha thinks he’s right, and he ain’t budging.

Being proactive is empowering because you keep your power. Being reactive makes you powerless, because you’ve given your power away to the petty tyrants in your life.

Hey, forget THAT!

Bottom line: I’m a Beta, and if my life is full of fighting and arguing then I’m not having fun. If I’m not having fun, then my life isn’t working. Time to make some changes and get the fun back, ya know?

Unfortunately, Beta women attract Alpha men like bees to honey. It's like a disease. That means my entire life I've been surrounded by Alpha men. Thus, the reason they do NOT make an appearance in my novels. Why? Because I know these guys too well. Every time a novel with an Alpha hero ends with him suddenly gaining new brain cells and realizing what an ass he's been to the sweet Beta heroine I wanna turn that novel into a wallbanger. Of course she thinks he's now reformed for life, and they'll live happily ever after.

Hardly.

The reality is most Alphas continue with this arrogant ego shit for the rest of their lives. In my case, after 35 years, I'd had enough. I finally got to the point where I was tired of these bastards putting me in the position of having to defend my opinions, the naughty way I talk, the way I write my novels, the way I write my blog posts, my outlook on life, you name it.

Know what I say to that? FUCK IT!

I’m a proactive slut. I don’t have to defend my work or my opinions or my outlook on life to anyone. If they can’t accept me as I am then they can just move along. I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do regardless of whether the Alpha men in my life “approve” or not.

So I cleaned house. Yes, I did. I dumped the Alpha publisher, the Alpha agent, and all the Alpha men in my biz life. Couldn't dump my Alpha husband, Wes, so I threw him in the doghouse. Again and again and again.

Then my Alpha girlfriends offered to give me "Bitch Lessons." Alrightyyyy! They kept telling me I'm too nice, too generous, too sweet, my heart is too big, and I take too much shit off these Alpha assholes. And this time I agreed.

Now I'm a "Bitch-in-Training."

All I can say is: Damn, this bitch stuff is hard! But my Alpha girlfriends are being patient with me. Much to their delight I have learned a few skills. I get pissed off at the drop of a hat now. And I've got the claws-out thing down pretty good, too.

In fact, I'm scaring the shit outta Wes these days. Consequently, the man is nicer to me than he's been in the 32 years I've been fucking him.

Who knew?

I've also been retraining myself NOT to get an instant panty-melt when an Alpha man crosses my path. Damn, that's hard, too. But I'm making progress. Now when one comes near me (it's that bees-to-honey thing again) I say, "Down, Tiger!" to my pussy and walk away.

I do.

Yeah, I'm rather proud of myself these days. This sweet slutty Beta has not only pulled off a miracle fixing the freakin' mess my ex-agent (Alpha asshole) made of my career, but I've also kicked out every Alpha man in my biz and professional life.

Well, except Wes. But he's still bending over backwards to be nice to me. And the minute he fucks up I scream bloody murder and go claws out.

Turns out these are really handy skills. Who knew? lmao!

xoxo
Laura Stamps (c)
The Magickal SexWitch
Author of Paranormal Erotica Novels
(HOT Vampires, Shapeshifters, Witches)
laurastamps@mindspring.com
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